The Kingdom of Light

How can I deny great favors of Yours,

I would never try,

How can I forget when my soul implores,

You respond to my cry.

I must admit, and this is the reality,

I've come a long way, 

through Your bliss and conformity,

and I desire to stay.

But now when I see closing my eyes,

the Light at the end of the universe,

the sign of Your Kingdom to rise,

I'm pulled down by a curse.

The curse of my fear of losing Your path,

the curse of my actions, 

the curse of my words, the curse of my wrath,

they all beat my passion.

Is there a possibility if I go back to my trials,

without any fear of profit or gain,

 But this time, I don't want to lose the ties,

neither Your Love and Mercy again.

Strange People

That lady at the college told me a strange story about Rabia Basri.  It was a small book cost Rs.100.  Rabia Basri was born in a very poor family.  One day when they had no food at all and no oil to lit the lamp, her parents made dua to Allah.  The same night, father saw Prophet (pbuh) in his dream.  The Prophet asked him to go to the king and tell him that the Prophet is waiting for the gift of durood he reads everyday.  The father woke up in the morning and decided to go to the king.  He said what Prophet (pbuh) told him in his dream.  The king confessed that he reads a tasbeeh of durood and forgot last night.  He felt sad and embarrassed, he asked his treasury to distribute charity among the poors.  He also presented ashafiyan (gold coins) to the fahter.  Rabia Basri grew up to be a scholar and a pious lady, she spent her life in misery for the love of God.  She hanged the white cloth of kafn on her wall so she would remember the death.  Hasan Basri, a man from same town, fell in love with her and sent his proposal many times.  She refused for the love of Allah.  One day she found him on the beach. Hasan took out his prayer rug from his arms and threw it on the water and offered her to pray with him on water.  She immediately took out her prayer rug from her arms and threw it in the air and said, "Hasan what you did can be done by a fish and what I did, even a fly can do this trick, it all happens by the will of God".  Someone at her death bed asked her about her last wish, she said that she wants to eat a fresh date.  While the man was confused a bird flies over and drops a fresh piece of date.  Rabia didn't eat that because she doubted if it was from a halal source or haram.
Then she quoted a scholar, he said that when God created everything, nothing happened but when God created mothers, everything in the universe came to a pause for a little while.  So when children go out for anything or on any mission, they should put their hands under their mother's right foot to get the blessings.
 

Paper Day

Got tired!  My daughter had her first paper today.  It was supposed to be the second paper as given in the schedule but the first paper was canceled due to law and order issue in KU.   I had to sit outside for three hours on the cold marble stairs.  There were no wooden seats available.  The college, APWA, is a place big enough to build a castle.  Unfortunately, it was giving a look of a ruined village on the back side.  The front side is also deserted in the middle.  There was no shade, no seats for visitors.  Anyway, as my daughter was finally settled in a room, I chose to sit outside her room on the stairs, took out the book and started reading.  Other mothers were scattered around on the stairs and the round marble fence around the trees.  After one and a half hour, a lady requested me to move and let her sit at the corner so she can lean on the wall and can read Qur'an.  So I moved.  At around 4 o'clock, she asked me the time.  I said it's four and noticed that she wanted to talk to me.  We had a nice conversation till quarter past five.  All the time she looked depressed and had a sad smile on her face.

During our conversation I came to know that she is from India but at the end I realized that she belonged to India.  Twenty years of living in Pakistan couldn't wipe off the good old days from her mind, nor caused the change in accent.  She thinks that she is alone in 20 million Karachiites.  "Meray susral to aisi hi hay", she said  that with a rude face expressions.  Her entire family lives in India and she got married to a Pakistani man so she had to come here.  "Apni currency to gir gai hay na", she said and I nodded in yes without knowing that the word 'apni' was used for her motherland.  She clarified, "phelay theek tha, abhi wahan jaao to nuqsaan hay, wo log idhar aaen to faida". 

"Meray bhai to abhi train say gai hain, main do martaba gai plane say", she seemed like pouring out the as many words as she can in a short period of time.  "yahan teachers' kay training kiyon nahi kartay, India main to teachers ko training detay hain, itna acha system hay, sub bachay bhi phartay hain", she kept glorifying her lost soil for several minutes. 

"Meri beti boli kay Science pharna hay, phir main nay is ko madrassah Bannat main dala, abhi bolti hay Mamma meray ko Science nai pharna, main Allah ki ho ker rahna chahti hoon.  Wo aalma kay short course kay second year main hay aur main first year main", she went on and I didn't want to interrupt her.  I wanted her to let out her true feelings.  May be after that she would stop complaining about us.  May be now she would change her mind about Pakis being rude.  She gave me her phone number and address and asked me to visit her as she lived at near distance from our residence. She was a talented woman with many plus points. 

I wanted to ask her many things but I didn't.  Such as why doesn't she blame her parents or siblings for selecting a Paki for her to marry?  Why is she so depressed and sad with the life in Pak?  Do in-laws in India behave differently than in Pakistan?  How does she explain the life in Pakistan to her family?  Is life in her home-town is really that peaceful and pleasant that she couldn't accept Pak as her homeland, after 22 years?  When Pakis go abroad, they don't waste a second in declaring the new land as their final destiny, they own wholeheartedly.  I want to give her some time to relax.  I am thinking about visiting her or invite her to my place.  Then may be I will let myself out on this issue.  I know she won't understand and that will be another break up.  Who cares!

Praise be to my Lord!

O Lord! The Master of all grace and dignity, please tell me, 

Am I different or indifferent as people say? 

Have people fallen into jealousy, with this land of courtesy?

I get confused finding myself alive everyday, happy and healthy, 

Am I still good to deliver something to humanity?

Or just counting my days till I melt to the bottom like a candle,

as things have gotten out of control, seem impossible to handle,

Alas! I've lost a lot, perhaps lost all or may be nothing at all,

 may be more barren days and lonely nights,

a lot more silence than verbal fights,

but nothing I do complain about,

only if You are still watching over me and love me,

Thank You my Lord! for all Your favours.